Survival to my fittest

"I feel much better these days. This was just a test in my opinion to see where I was at. I beat it. I know I did!


No more pain
Don’t want to feel
Hurting myself
Till the numbness sets in

Concussions induced by thoughts
Convulsing inner turmoil
Stressed out anxiety
In a panic state of disorientation

I cried and I cried and I cried
Till these tears drowned out these eyes
Wanting to escape to the realm of obliviousness
Where all feelings fade away

I downed my head in embarrassment, Shame in fact
As these thoughts descended to Hell’s fictional reality
Poisoning myself of these inner feelings
Losing grip, As my grasp slides down

Choking on invisible razor sharp pills
Tiny metaphors for better tomorrows
Lying and cheating their way
To a pathetic revolting grievance

Closing these eyes
Doing my best to roam to another place
Trying to take myself away from reality
For as long as I could ever take it

And after mere seconds
Unrest again, Self detest again
Vanquishing thoughts funneling through
Destroying this very foundation
As I sit here saying “There is nothing I can do”

Almost catatonic
To the brink of a vegetated dwelling
Yet, I scream inside myself
“Get me out of here”
“Help me breathe new air”

I cannot wait
Till I go away, Far away
As this fate lives on
In the celebration for a better tomorrow

I survived this again!
My heart, mind and soul
Feeling younger now than before
Reenergized to the core
Energized like never before

I survived!
And I tell you what….
Even when I am at my lowest point
I want to take those around me
Up high
To the highest pinnacle that I could ever take them

I survived my own personal enduring
Now with this strength
I shall live better than before
As this very heart syncs
Connecting to another
Two as one, Full of bliss, Full of joy

I will never proclaim myself a victim of anything
But a soul that strives to love it’s own existence
Always and forever to beyond evermore


Written By,
James Darwin Smith II
5/25/11